Billie Eilish thinks she “tried too hard to be desirable”.
The 20-year-old singer showcased a radical change of image when she shed her baggy clothes and dyed her green hair blonde to pose on the cover of British Vogue magazine last summer in a pink silk corset but now she feels very detached from the pictures and was horrified by some of the backlash she received.
She reflected to Sunday Times magazine: “No matter what you do, it’s wrong and right.
“Wearing baggy clothes, nobody is attracted to me, I feel incredibly unlovable and unsexy and not beautiful, and people shame you for not being feminine enough.
“Then you wear something more revealing and they’re, like, you’re such a fat cow w****.
“I’m a s*** and I’m a sell-out and I’m just like every other celebrity selling their bodies, and woah! What the f*** do you want?
“It’s a crazy world for women and women in the public eye.
“Looking back at all of the promo and stuff we did before the album (in 2021), I’m, like, don’t know who that is, but that is not me!
“I didn’t have any time to think.
“I just decided who I was. I just became that vibe. And I don’t know if that was necessarily what I really was feeling. I was just grasping on to anything.
“I honestly don’t feel desired, ever. I do have this worry that I felt so undesirable that I may have occasionally tried too hard to be desirable. It makes me sad to think about.”
But the “Ocean Eyes” singer now has a much more "solid" confidence in herself.
"In the past couple of months I feel far more solid in who I am. I feel different now, like I’m desirable. I feel like I’m capable of being as feminine as I want to be and as masculine as I want,“ she said.
And Billie views her body as her “ugly friend”.
Asked how her relationship with her body was, she said: “Nowhere good. My relationship with my body has been a truly horrible, terrible thing since I was 11.
“I love that my body is mine and that it’s with me everywhere I go.
"I kind of think of my body as my friend. My ugly friend! It’s complicated. But what are you gonna do?”