Discipline is all about raising confident, caring, compassionate, courageous and socially well-adjusted children - and it’s never too early to start. This is what Sister Lilian’s Babycare Companion (Human and Rousseau) has to say about it.
Excessive stubbornness, tantrums and other unacceptable behaviour in toddlers is all about a strong developing will, an excitable personality, the need for significant attention and noticing that you react very strongly to this behaviour.
Accept that little ones are by their very nature rather chaotic, curious, adventurous, untidy, given to clumsiness and delight at being grubby.
Of course it is your parental responsibility to help them develop towards greater rationality, responsible action, tidiness, cleanliness and co-ordination, but this is a gradual process.
It is simply not worth the anger, frustration and resentment so many parents experience in their efforts to impose discipline.
SIMPLIFY PARENTING
To increase the enjoyment of parenthood, remember that, as the bear Baloo of Jungle Book fame sings, it is the simple things in life which will make your worries and your woes seem fewer.
Small children are potentially just as complex and complicated as adults, with a few very significant differences.
Their personalities are as individual as ours. Parents may be convinced that their behaviour can be intentionally manipulative, but the fact is that children do not display significant rational behaviour and analytical ability until the age of three to four years.
Before that, there are obviously some learnt behavioural responses, which we label manipulation, but by and large they display spontaneous responses and the more positive the reaction they elicit, the more they want to repeat these.
They are, in fact, asking their parents to accept them and their actions and responses at face value, so you should see the simple and positive thread running through the fabric of baby’s behaviour. As with so many of life’s challenges, the answers are often deceptively simple.
Try these tips and you are guaranteed happy times with your little one, an instinctive grasping of positive life skills and a warm enduring relationship between family members.
* Resolve to not allow mealtimes to become fraught with tension.
* Take advantage of the wonderful climate in South Africa to enjoy picnic-style meals, so that spills and experiments with gravity don’t cloud the horizon.
* If your baby is healthy on the whole, and has heaps of energy, stop fussing about how much he or she eats.
* Stick to simple, wholesome foods - fruit and vegetables mainly - and do not become fixated on quantity unless there is a medical reason. Many little ones eat in a grazing fashion - little bits interspersed with play. If the quality is good, they will survive. Their appetites are as individual as those of adults and their stomachs are as small as their clenched fists.
* Next time it rains and there is no danger of lightning, roll up your trousers and go walking in puddles with your toddler. Drop pebbles into pools of water and float sticks, pods and blossoms down the gutter. You will both have fun and this is great for co-ordination and relationships.
* Grow a bean in cotton wool. Watch the delight in your child’s eyes as he or she observes the burst of life from the dry bean.
* Rediscover the emotions of your childhood. Your little one will learn caring and nurturing values while sharing enjoyable moments with the most special person in his or her life.
* Develop a daily dance routine with your baby and adapt it as she grows; this provides wonderful exercise for you both, ensures the therapeutic effect of close bodily contact and is quite simply fun. Movement is therapy for little ones and dancing provides great relaxation for adults. There are sure to be many laughs and no prizes for guessing what that does for stress levels!
* Don’t try to adopt a perfect system of interaction with your children.Simply grab those opportunities for fun which present themselves in ordinary daily life.
* Make family time a priority from which you will also profit. You will be amazed how, if you just lounge or potter around with your children, one thing leads to another and fun time together will become an automatic thing, nurtured by positive feedback.
CONSTRUCTIVE DISTRACTION IDEAS FOR CHILDREN
One to seven years: Dance with your child to melodious music.
18 months to seven years: Suggest planting a few seeds in a window box or in the garden. Follow up with care of the growing plants.
18 months to seven years: Make or buy hand and finger puppets and use them to tell a story or encourage your child to tell you a story.
Two to five years: Ask your child to wash a window.
Two to five years: Allow your child to stand on a sturdy stool and wash plastic bowls.
Two to six years: Put on the sprinkler in summer and suggest that your child run through it.
Two to six years: Have a watering can handy and ask your child to water certain plants.
Two to 10 years: Accumulate a box of dressing-up clothes, shoes, masks and jewellery that can be used to allow your children to lose themselves in a fantasy world of creative play - suggest that they put on a performance for you. - The Mercury