#SexColumn: Debunking myths around women and sex

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Published Jun 24, 2022

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By Sharon Gordon

It’s been a hell of a week.

My Lola Montez website was deleted somehow, and my service provider is denying that it is his responsibility to restore. He is happy to rebuild the site and load the information if I will send him the pictures, descriptions and prices. No small feat!

The site has been running for over 15 years, has over 900 products, backlinks and client data. After a full-on panic attack one of my children has managed to find a cache of the site from a year ago. So, all is not lost. If you’re a Lola Montez client and have an outstanding order, please contact me on [email protected].

Not only have I had website issues but I’m doing home renovations and with this unseasonal rain the job is proceeding at a snail pace with the plaster being washed away overnight. I feel like the universe is conspiring against me. You can imagine that the last thing I feel like thinking about or doing is sex!

What I really want right now is a Valium drip and a massage in front of a roaring fire, which incidentally is a great place to have sex.

I promised to talk about woman to woman action this week. While many men think that women are complicated, and we are, sex is less complicated than you think.

Women understand the importance of the clitoris and external stimulation. In the store I always found it fascinating that men always want to buy the biggest dildo around, while women understand the power of a small bullet or stone shaped vibrator. As we all know from the 80’s advert, ‘It’s not inside, it’s on top!’

Women also understand the importance of touch and foreplay. With women the whole body becomes an erogenous zone. We don’t just concentrate on what I refer to as prime real estate: Genitals and breasts. The field is much bigger than those two areas.

If you think about sex positions, think about how you need to move your body against another body to get maximum clitoral friction. Think 69, scissors and hands. Obviously oral sex also plays a big part in female pleasure.

There’s a lot of misinformation out there when it comes to people with vaginas having sex. Sex between women is great and satisfying despite what mainstream teachings, which typically centre men’s pleasure. Watch any porn movie. If only men would get their ego and penis out of the way, we’d all be having a lot more fun.

The reason I started off by telling you about my website woes is that I cannot add links to the next part of this column.

Women having sex with women is not as self-conscious or fearful of judgement as it usually is when having sex with a man. Women will often make use of sex toys to enhance pleasure. I’m not just talking about strap on toys (many women like penetration). There are gorgeous harnesses available with a variety of vibrators or dildos that fit into the harness. Strapless strap on toys are also extremely popular, no harness is required.

Most popular of all at the moment are toys that make use of air technology. Two brands come to mind – Satisfyer and Womanizer, orgasm is almost guaranteed.

One of the comforts about having men free sex is not having to fear pregnancy. So many of us cannot experience complete pleasure because we live in pregnancy fear. It’s a real thing!

A word to the wise – you can still get STDs from woman-to-woman sex. Remember that bodily fluids transmit the infection. It is best to use protection. Dental dams are the best barrier to use. If you don’t have access to dental dams, you can split a condom or use good old-fashioned gladwrap! (I know you are never going to look at it the same way again!)

On that happier note, have a beautiful weekend. Remember that whatever your challenges – this too shall pass.